Name someone whose unnoticed action changed your day.
What the evaluator is looking for
The response should direct attention outward while still showing what the writer learned.
Planning approach
For The Custodian Who Saved Our Data, select the central scene, identify the consequential choice, trace the specific response, and reserve the ending for evidence-supported reflection.
Model response
Mr. Alvarez, our evening custodian, noticed that our robotics cart was still plugged into a wall scheduled for electrical maintenance. He moved it and left a note, saving a week of unsynced test data. I had passed him dozens of times with a quick hello, never asking what he noticed while closing the building. The next evening I thanked him and learned that he checks club equipment because students often leave batteries charging. We added a shutdown checklist and his extension to our lab wall. His attention protected our work; my gratitude became useful only when it changed how we closed the room. Now our shutdown routine carries a trace of the attention that first protected us.
Structural breakdown
The Custodian Who Saved Our Data progresses from a concrete situation through observable decisions and results. Its closing insight stays proportionate to the events shown instead of claiming a universal transformation.
- Verify that every detail in The Custodian Who Saved Our Data serves its central question.
- Replace broad character claims with actions a reader can observe.
- Preserve other people as participants rather than props.
- Keep the final insight within the evidence of the response.
Format reference: Common App, Essay Prompts. This model is original and is not an official or accepted submission.